Dear Dearest, - “Trapped In A 14 Year Gap”

Dear Dearest, 

On my 42nd birthday, I realized I wanted to start dating again. My 22 year old son was on his own and as a school bus driver, I was not putting time into myself like I should. So, me and the girls got dolled up and hit the club scene. It had been almost 20 years for me. That’s where I met an incredible guy. He was handsome beyond all get up and we had the best conversation. We talked for hours and even left the club together for breakfast. I was taken back when he told me he would be 27 in the fall not too much older than my son. He really didn’t look that young and I was so apprehensive. But we became great friends, like we were the only two people in the world. He would say, “I want you to make me a great man” 
and even told me he loved me early on. He asked if he could move in with me and I thought it would be a great idea since I was there all alone.
But as time went by, he lost his job, I realized he didn’t have a license and I was helping him like a mother helps a son, not a lover. He would not kiss my mouth making the excuse he only did that for women he was in love with, not ones he just loved. He started criticizing my appearance saying I didn’t care about myself and insulting my job insinuating that who was a bus driver at 42. My confidence was broken and I finally asked him to leave, which of course he refused. We physically fought and now, I am trapped with a man that doesn’t love me and is only 27. I’m too embarrassed to share with friends. He never makes me public either. Oh, he has a criminal past and I don’t want to add to that. What do you think I should do? #trappedinagap

Dear Trapped In A Gap, 

First and foremost I am lifting you up sis. That’s some birthday present. This sounds like that Tyler Perry movie on Netflix. Ok, I am going to give it to you straight, a man use hands on me, jail is where he suppose to be so you have already allowed this very toxic arrangement to go too far. Next, you allowEd someone without a job to define “your job working self”? I couldn’t stomach that as I read. He criticizes your appearance??? Really. That’s a different talk from the club. And he won’t kiss you. You are worthy of so much more. He is a manipulator. You shouldn’t be writing me what to do, you should be evicting a grown man from your home. I would say charge rent but he is psychologically tearing you down. He wants a mama in you. And you my dear need to speak with a professional counselor that can plant the seed of love back in you.
I started back dating when I turned 40 and I meet some terrible men. Like you I didn’t see my worth until a pastor told me, your mate is better than you. Sis, your match doesn’t need to live in your house, he has his own. He not only has a car but a luxury one. He is not trying to get his license but he is diversifying his stock portfolio. Girl bye. Lesson learned. Get that runt out of your crib and start again. No judgement, no condemnation. We all fall down. And if he don’t get out let me call the police for you. ~Dearest

If no one told you they love you, I do and God loves you more. I hope this is helpful beloved. 
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“She's in a dangerous situation, that as we know may not be easy to just put him out. Especially once he's physical. This really sounds like that Netflix movie...and we all saw how that turned out. Here is the domestic violence hotline number, perhaps she needs local resources. tel: 800-799-7233” - City Councilwomen Renee Johnson

“It would also be worthwhile to reach out to domestic violence resources such as CVAN in Concord or Safe Alliance in Charlotte for their advice. Also worthwhile for her to go downtown to the civil clerk of court and fill out a form 50-B. That's a domestic violence restraining order.” -Community Advocate Stephy JH